Dance Teacher Lady

I just watched the video from NBC’s Today show with master blogger Heather Armstrong! Bryan introduced me to her site (dooce.com) and I have to say it is the best blog out there. I also have to comment on the fact that Kathie-Lee Gifford is obnoxious! Bravo Heather for maintaining your composure and having to listen to the nonsense that was oozing from Kathie-Lee’s mouth. It really does make me re-think my devotion to that news broadcast. ABC, anyone?

In any case, visit dooce.com- it’s great! Oh, and shameless plug- visit Bryan’s site too- it’s awesome!

Everything has a protective cover… now, the mattress pad is it’s own scary beast, but the futon cover is a close relative from hell! I liken the mattress cover to a fair-weather friend you see every now and then who just takes shots at how unfulfilled your life is where as the futon cover is like a relative that you haven’t see for a while, and when you do, you just want to stay inebriated to avoid the inappropriate questions about your lack of job, children, spouse, etc. Anyway, I had to practically get in the cover itself so that the seams line up perfectly when I put the futon (beautifully covered and clean) back on the frame. I could just let the cover rot and never clean it again, but it would go against all of my OCD traits that would rival Monica on “Friends”!

Now the living room looks sparkly and lovely, with a subtle scent of detergent and fabric softener- a perfect invitation for the cat to redistribute her fur all over the futon and begin the dirtying up process once more.

P.S. while making the bed this morning, there was cat fur on the blanket. It never ends…

Jury Duty ended some time ago, and I have been avoiding sharing more because I honestly have forgotten so much of what happened! In a nutshell, this woman was suing her former boss for assault, battery, false imprisonment, etc etc. She wanted A LOT of money for damages. Quite frankly, after hearing all of the testimony, she was a liar. I didn’t believe her for one hot second and I am appalled that this case even got to the “docket”. (I’ve learned so much court lingo I think I’m a lawyer! Or better yet, a judge!)

We found the defendant not guilty on all charges. It took us five minutes to figure this out. It took the lawyers what seemed like years to present their cases. There should be some kind of time limit as to how long someone can talk in a court room. And, there should be a limit to the number of objections as well. Oh, if I ruled the world…wait- I don’t want that job! I do enough already!

Don’t get me wrong- I appreciate that our court system exits because I certainly don’t want to be burned at the stake if I am ever sued- honestly I’m sure it probably would have happened already considering my big mouth, but I see now why our court system is so clogged up. Anyone can sue anyone for anything! Even if there is nothing behind it!

I think I will stick to watching episodes of “Law and Order: SVU” and leave it at that. That’s as much of the court system I think I can handle.

Every week I go though this when I do laundry- the mattress pad for my bed seems to shrink and then I have a fight with it to get it back on the bed! Why don’t I just buy a new one? Because I put it on our Wedding registry and I don’t want to buy one! I know, I should just get one- they aren’t expensive… but I am being a baby and clearly I need a nap, so, that’s what I am going to do!

By the way, the bed is made. I won the battle- this time…

I am taking a break from the jury duty saga to share the story of the man I observed on the C train.

A well-dressed man gets on the C train at 125th Street with a newspaper, plastic bag, coffee mug, and a large syringe.

Man proceeds to sit down and place the newspaper and bag next to him.

Man then places coffee mug on floor of train.

Man takes syringe and places it in the mug and draws out what I only hope is coffee.

Man drinks from syringe.

Man does this a few more times then gets up, undoes his belt buckle (oh god), and walks to the far end of the train away from me (thank god).

He looks out the train window for a bit, while drinking from his syringe, walks back to his seat, keeps his pants on (thank you thank you), and sits down.

Does coffee taste better from a syringe? I didn’t have the opportunity to ask as my stop was soon after and I couldn’t wait to get above ground.

I wonder what was in the plastic bag?

Day 2.

I arrive with seven other jurors and am proud that I am doing my civic duty and will be getting paid $40.00 a day to do so. It’s hard to get the sarcastic feel across on a computer screen- as a result of this newly bestowed job from hell I have canceled a private coaching and am unable to go to yoga class. Yes. I. am. cranky.

We sit around from 9:30am-12noon-ish and we are released for the day. A total waste of time. Something about one of the lawyers being ill. Did he just get sick? Was he suddenly struck with a bad case of encephalitis? WHY have we sat around for an entire morning and nothing got done? Yeah, this is the part where I realize that I don’t like my time being wasted.

Right. Retail therapy! I head to Macy’s.

Why Macy’s? That’s where we (Bryan and myself) are registered for our Wedding! Yay, something positive! I need to add gifts to our registry, and the best kind of retail therapy is the kind where you don’t actually buy anything, but zap anything your heart desires with this cool price gun that magically puts it all on your registry for people to buy for you! Fantastic!

The zapping got out all of my aggression with the court system and I ended up sitting with a cappucino in “The Cellar” portion of Macy’s.

Even if you’re not getting married, I highly recommend the price gun. Excellent for anger management!

A great ending to a wasted day…

Stay tuned.

Yes, I have been on jury duty for what felt like an eternity, and now that it’s over I can share…

Day 1-

I report to the courthouse at 8:45am to sit in a room with equally cranky people who’s lives are disrupted. We sit for an hour before a judge comes in to welcome us and explains how important our role as jurors is, blah blah blah… He then asks if there is anyone who is happy to be here today and this woman raises her hand and says “I’m happy to be here!”. She’s the only one. Mind you, when this woman walked in the room, I thought to myself- ‘Oh god, I’m going to be put on a case with her’- she was clearly out of her head and wearing a fantastic caftan sort of thing with a giant hat and a ridiculous amount of make-up for Wednesday morning. She was a cross between Auntie Mame and Dolly Levi on a lot of medication. I then dubbed her “Crazy Lady”.

We finally turn in our juror cards and the selection process begins. At 11:00 or so, I get called in to a room with 19 other people. We get handed a form to fill out asking all kinds of questions: name, age, education, occupation… then as you get further it asks if you or a close friend or relative has ever been convicted of a crime, witnessed a crime, committed a crime, etc, etc, and I was able to honestly answer yes to ALL. I thought for sure that I would be excused for that. What I forgot was that this is New York City- EVERYONE has had these experiences.

Then the lawyers have their turn asking us questions. Can you be fair and impartial, what our opinions are on certain issues, especially pertaining to doctors and hospitals. Oh boy- a malpractice suit? No- it’s not malpractice… but they can’t really say much, of course.

Now it’s my turn. ‘Ms. Murray- your form says that you have many jobs. You are a dancer, teacher, choreographer, you own your own business, and you are still able to serve on jury duty’? To which I responded: ‘Apparently so’.

That was it.

Lawyer #2 then goes around the room and asks if any of us has had an issue with a doctor, hospital, or anything medical. I said no- which I realized in that moment was stupid. Now, Crazy Lady was one of the people in the room and after the lawyer asked the question, she raised her hand and said:’I forgot to mention that when I was in the hospital and had (some procedure that I don’t remember) taken out, I asked the doctor if I could eat seeds. The doctor said that yes, I could eat seeds if I wanted to. Well, when I went home and ate seeds, my colon exploded’.

HER COLON EXPLODED? Well, I was the only one in the room who thought that statement was funny and I started laughing. Everyone else was silent which made it funnier to me.

Once I calmed down, the lawyers left the room and a while later the clerk came in and said that if our name was called we have been selected for this jury. My name was called. Crazy Lady’s was not. Hmmm, I wonder why?

And then there were eight.

Stay tuned for the next installment of “Jury Duty- the saga”

I wake up early this morning and make coffee and breakfast. Today it’s vanilla yogurt with fruit and granola. Yum. I take the almost empty container of yogurt and dump it in the bowl. Next, I open the new one and add to it. I noticed that the color of the new yogurt was different- more yellow. Hmmm, I wondered, is it a new formula? What? Upon closer inspection, I read that the lid does not read “Vanilla” it reads “Banilla”. What the hell is Banilla? Banilla is banana and vanilla flavored yogurt mixed together. What?! Why would anyone think that was a good idea- and furthermore, banilla isn’t even a word in the English language!

Okay, it tasted fine, but I’m not sure that was because there was some left-over vanilla in the bottom of the bowl. We will see tomorrow…

The moral of this story? READ the label before you buy- you may be going home with a container of banilla something.

So I have been on jury duty for what seems like an eternity, and (I can’t get into the details because it’s illegal to talk about the case) my Mom has gotten a play by play of the fact that my entire life has been on hold due to my “civic duty”. My Mom loves to send snail mail and I love getting it. I got a card today with a couple of coupons for hair color inside. The note read: “Can you use these? Especially after jury duty! HA! Love, Mom”. I laughed out loud because she’s right- and it was funny!

Now, I’m not going to reveal if I use hair color or not- there are some things a woman should never share…

You know those moments on the train when you are clearly running late and are stuck in a tunnel due to “signal problems” when you know full-well that some worker fell asleep while driving the train? Yes, that was my morning as I looked at my watch at least one-hundred times in a five minute span to check how late I was going to be. I know, it’s not an original story- it’s happened to everyone in NYC. It was even better for my blood pressure when the homeless advocate started screaming “I used to be on crack! I used to be on crack! But now I’ve found Jesus and I love each and every one of you!” Really? It’s silly-o-clock in the morning and you are screaming in my ear about your crack habit! And by the way, what does that have to do with Jesus?

What seemed to be years later, the train finally pulled into my station and I was let out into the world of my fellow heathens and on my way through the day. When I look back on how inconvenient my morning was, I realized that it really wasn’t that bad. I have never been on crack and I’m guessing that Jesus was probably a good guy.

Happy Friday and may your day be crack-free!